Take a break
by Yaoi-fangirl-Dark-side
Summary: The FMA-crew has taken a break from shooting the series, and Envy and Edward are sharing house together. Crack-fic and possibly yaoi-paring later.
1. Shower

**A/N: **My confidence in my work has been very low lately. I mean, really low. That is why, I am not updating and stopping two of my stories.

So I came with this solution: I just write a story, with chapters with a bunch of crap in it. Then my other stories seems good again to me. I am a genius ^^

Enjoy.

Might contain EdxEnvy later.

* * *

**Shower.**

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Edward Elric was showering.

Yes, very shocking, eh? A busy alchemist like him, couldn't possibly have time for a shower (**A/N: **in the anime, he only did that once!) He still had a lot of episodes to shoot, together with the rest of the FMA-Crew.

But the higher ups had decided it was time for a break. They said it was because they all had worked so hard and deserved a little free time, but everybody knew it was bullshit. They had started a fight, nobody really knew about, and then their parents came and gave them all a timeout. But it wasn't so bad, since everybody thought it would be nice with a break. And besides, Edward really wanted to catch up with all the series he used to watch, like Desperate Housewifes.  
Al wanted to go with Winry and Pinako to a great metal-seminar, but Edward didn't want to go. After all, it wasn't him who needed to fix his automail when it broke (notice the 'when').

And that's the story behind, why Edward now was showering in peace. He wanted to take a long shower. Nobody would come crashing in and yell 'What are you doing?! You're supposed to grope Psiren on her boob right now!' or exclaim that he had stolen Mustang's Backstreet Boy's cd, when Edward obviously just had borrowed it. Nobody to bother him…

**CRASH!**

"Heeeiia Edoo!" Edward flinched at the voice.

"Envy! Out of here! Now! I am showering!" Edward yelled, and held the curtain in place, just in case Envy got any good ideas. Envy stopped in front of the shower.  
"I know, and I am rather disappointed. Don't you know, you _have_ to sing in shower, or else it isn't right?" The green haired hold a short break to see if the blond had a respond (and to see, if he could see through the curtain, if he squint his eyes). Edward hadn't. Actually, Edward was close to bang his head in to the wall. Why. WHY couldn't Envy just let him have his shower?! It was hard enough that they had to share house together.

"I borrowed Roy's cd, if you want to sing along on something." Envy informed with a bright smile. Edward couldn't help to smile a little. Well, okay, that was one good thing by staying with Envy. But it was probably the only thing, too.

"We could sing a duet!"

… Yes, it was.

Edward suddenly felt a tug in the curtain. Luckily, he still held it in place.  
"Envy, step away and let go of the freaking curtain!!" Edward freaked and held the curtain tighter. "Aaaw Edo, you're too paranoid." Envy said with a disappointed tone and with a pout on his face. "And I don't have a reason to be so?!" Envy frowned. "But I just wanted to see you. And you can't sing duet in a shower, unless you _are_ in the shower too."  
There was a harsh silence from Edward. Maybe if he just ignored Envy long enough, the sin would leave?

But Envy wasn't about to leave. Oh no, he had no intentions to do so, because he had some important and business to do.

"Neh Edo, are you done soon?" The green haired sin asked, while rocking a little back and forth on his feet. Edward grabbed the shampoo bottle and pressed some of the content out on his hand. "I am not planning on it, no." Edward answered with an annoyed grumble, as he rubbed and spread the shampoo in his hair. Envy gasped dramatically. "But you have to!" Edward rolled his eyes. "And _why_ do I _have_ to leave the shower soon?" "Because I need to go on the toilet."

Edward went silent for a moment. Then he continued to rub the shampoo in. "Then just do it." He said. Envy whined. "But I don't want to! You could be peeping." Edward rolled his eyes again. "Envy, I am not going to peep, I promise. If anyone, it would be you who would do such." He said. And why on earth would he look on another guy pissing, anyway?!

"But you can hear it! And I don't like that you can hear it!" Envy whined again and started to rock a little bit faster back and forth. He was reaching his limit. Edward sighed. "Envy, I can not hear it, the shower is too loud." "Well, what if I have to do something else?"  
Short silence.

"Well, do you?"  
"Not now, but maybe I suddenly have to while I'm flushing out the old water from the pool?"

Another silence.

"The water from the _what?_" The Homunculi started to explain logically for the unknown little blond.

"The pool. It's because I am a big hotel. When I am eating, then I am inviting customers in to live here for some days. And when I drink, I fill the pool in the water-land I have. And then, when I am changing the water and throwing people out-"  
"Okay Envy, I got! I am leaving now!" Edward interrupted as he turned off the water and reached out for a towel, still holding the curtain in place.

He suddenly felt gloved hands and soft fingers trail over his arm. "You're wet, Edo." Edward pulled his arm back with the towel. "Yeah, I don't know what happened either. It must have been because I forgot the umbrella." Edward said ironically and wrapped the towel around him. He stepped out from the shower, to see a very desperate sin tripping on his feet. As soon as Edward had steeped out of the bathroom, the door shut close behind him.

Edward sighed and stood there for a while. Then he suddenly remembered something.

**"Envy! This house has _two_ bathrooms!"**


	2. Morning

**Morning!**

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Edward was sleeping. He was sleeping peacefully. But not for long…

**SLAM!**

Edward jumped in his bed, but was medially pressed down again, by Envy who was straddling his hips. The sin looked very excited; he looked like he wanted to jump on the spot. 'Please, don't do that…' Edward quietly begged in his mind.

"Up Edo! Wakie, wakie! It's time! Nownownownownow!" The sin said cheerfully and started indeed to jump a little. Edward flinched. Oh, it should _not_ be allowed for anyone to be that hyper in the morning. And the way Envy sat on his hips and jumped in excitement could be misunderstood if you were perverted enough…

Edward grimaced. "Envy, don't jump on me!"  
"Then come on! Please! It's time!"  
"I am coming as soon you get off!" Envy medially jumped off with a happy cheer and ran out of the room. Edward slowly slipped into his clothes. He got his pants on, and then Envy ran in the room again and attacked Edward. He threw himself at the poor tired blond and was clinging to him. "Chibiii~! You're too slow!"

Oh. My. God.

"**_WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-MULTIMIZED-LITTLE-PIPSQUEAK-WHO-CAN-CRAWL-THROUGH-A-NEDDLE-HOLE?!!_**"

When Edward freaked like that, many people would run or at least cover their ears. But Envy did something completely else. He threw up Edward's arms and hold them their, to make sure that Edward wouldn't drop them when he let go. Edward looked puzzled, but held his arms up when Envy slowly let go. Envy grabbed the shirt on the floor and tugged the shirt down on the blond. Edward, who was still thrown off, just stood still, when his head came out from the shirt. Envy took Edward's arm down and looked proud. He brushed lightly some invisible dirt off Edward's cheek and then placed a kiss on it. "There." He said happily ( ^^ this smiley, imaging this smiley).  
Edward stared at Envy, but not for long, because Envy had by that time grabbed Edward's hands and raced out of the room and down to the kitchen.

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

Envy was always so happy in the morning, because then it was time for breakfast. And when it was time for breakfast, it was time for…

"Nesquik!" The green haired sin cheered happily, when Edward took out the Nesquik-box out from the shelves. Edward flinched. Nesquik weren't a good thing. He had experimented with it. He let a bowl with milk and Nesquik for a couple of days (little scientist-freak), and the milk turned to _stone_. He had tried with other cereals, and it didn't happen with those. He suspected the cereal for maybe 'stoning' one's blood.

But Edward let Envy have his Nesquik. The sin didn't die from it, which Edward most likely would if he tried to take away Envy's highlight of the day.

Edward looked in the fridge to see what he wanted. In mean time, Envy sneaked close to Edward and rested his jaw on Ed's shoulder. Edward was about to show the sin away, when he felt his cold breath over his neck. It made Edward shiver (unnoticed) and then he slowly turned his head to look annoyed at the sin.

"What?"  
"Milk." The sin stated. Edward frowned. Eew.

Edward opened his mouth to tell what disgusting a drink milk was, but then Envy suddenly leaned impatiently forward to reach out for the milk, and pressed himself against Edward. "Eeh! Envy, go away!" "Give me milk!! I. Want. Nesquik!"

Edward gave in and handed Envy the milk. Envy ran happily out of the kitchen, to go in and pour the milk into his bowl.

Edward sighed and decided he would have toast.

Edward walked in to the sin and sat across him by the corner of the table. Envy was already happily enjoying his precious Nesquik. Edward too started to eat his toasts. A little after he was done, but Envy weren't near done. He didn't just eat one bowl of his delicious cacao-cereal. Edward bit on his spoon. What to do now…

They sat a little in a peaceful silence. Envy, who was happily eating, and Ed… Well…

"I can lick my nose!" The blond suddenly exclaimed. Envy quickly moved his gaze to Edward, to indeed see that he was capable to touch the tip of his nose a little. Envy stared impressed at him. "Wow…" The green haired then suddenly lightened up. "I can do that too!"

Edward stuck back his tongue and looked at Envy with narrowed eyes. Why couldn't Edward do something, without the sin being capable to do it too? Stupid Envy.

"Oh yeah? Then let me see."

With a confident smirk, Envy got up from his seat and walked around the table to show Edward. After two seconds, the alarm clock rang in the alchemist's head.

"No, you're _not_ licking my nose!!"

"But, you told me to show you." The sin said with a pout.

"Well, not my nose!"


	3. Torture at its finest

**Torture at its finest.**

_**--------------------------------------------**_

It was a really warm day. Like, really, really warm. Edward guessed it was around 100 °C. Now, he might have been exaggerating, but… Yeah, it was really hot.

The young alchemist decided to go outside, even though it didn't make a difference with the temperature, _but_ the light breeze outside helped a little more than the still standing sauna-like heat inside the house.

Edward found a spot in the shadows of the trees, and he threw himself exhausted and overheated on the ground.

"Hot…" He whispered as a sweat drop released itself from his forehead and trailed down his face.

"Why, thank you." A happy response came from above. Edward looked up to see a certain green-haired Homunculus sitting on a branch.

Edward snorted. "I was talking about the _weather_." He informed Envy.

Now it was Envy's turn to snort. "Yeah, that's what they all say when they figure out that I'm not a girl."

Edward stared a little at the sin, before he decided that he didn't want to know. "Well, I _am_ talking about the weather. It's like a freaking sauna, if you haven't noticed."

Envy jumped off the branch and landed as gracefully as a cat on the ground in front of Edward. "I haven't." The sin informed.

Edward looked skeptical. "How on earth could you not notice that?"

Envy placed a finger on his own bottom lip and looked thoughtfully up in the sky. "Hmmm… Well, I supposed it was a little weird when the birds started to faint."

Edward sighed and lay down completely on the ground. Maybe it was just the way Envy was. After all, he wasn't near normal, and he already wore very little clothes, so you could see the most of his beautiful body...

Edward clenched his jaws and almost made a disturbed squirming sound. He did _not_ just think that!

Suddenly, Envy twirled around and sprinted through the garden and back to the house. Edward frowned a little at that, but didn't bother to follow the sin. He would come back at some point, and Edward would know what that was all about.

And sure enough, minutes later, Envy was back with two very thin packages in his arms. Edward was used to those little packages. He knew what was in them.

"Edo! We got mail!" The sin cheered as he again sprinted through the garden, until he was in front of Edward.

Edward sighed. "Of course we got mail. It's our script for the next season." He said.

Envy squatted down. "Oh, but maybe it's something different this time. Maybe it's a big check. Or a testament, telling us that I am the new ruler of Russia." Envy gasped. "Or maybe it's someone who wants to blackmail us!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "No, it's not blackmail-"

Envy suddenly shot forward and leaned over a slightly nervous alchemist. "You don't know that, Edo. You're smart, but not even you know what's in those packages." Envy said, dead seriously. "As Rose said in the first episodes; you're not God."

Edward took in a deep breath. Because of the heat, of course. It had nothing to do with Envy, being so close to him.

"Envy." He started calmly. "I am pretty sure it is our script for next season. You will know I am right, when we open our mail."

Envy narrowed his eyes and moved away from Edward again. "We'll see, Edo."

And then they opened their mail.

Envy stared wide eyed down on his new script.

Edward chuckled. "Told you so." He said as he examined his own script.

"…God…"

Edward frowned and looked up. "What?"

Envy moved his gaze to Edward. "You… Are you really God?"

Edward's frown got deeper. "No, I am not God. I just guessed right."

"Oh…"

Envy looked suddenly rather annoyed. "Well, stop being that! It's annoying!"

Edward grinned as he looked through the script. "Then you know how it feels."

Envy stared at Edward a little. Then he suddenly said "Would you like something to drink?"

Edward looked a little confused at Envy. Way to turn the conversation. All right, it was Envy after all.

"Yes, that would be nice." He said and Envy jumped up and sprinted in the house and came back with a glass and a pitcher filled with water.

"Here." The sin said as he placed the water beside Edward.

Edward, who was a little startled that the sin actually _had _brought him water, mumbled a: "Thank you."

"I'll go inside and read my script!" The sin said enthusiastically and ran back in the house.

Edward shrugged and also started to read his script, while drinking his water.

_**.**_

**-breakline-**

**_._  
**

_***A little later, the scenario has yet again returned to the bathroom.***_

Edward's fist hammered on the door. He couldn't believe this happened. _Both_ bathrooms were locked!

"**Envy! Open this door, now!**" Edward yelled desperately.

Behind the door, you could hear the sin talking: "_I know how you love being protective, but you don't have to blow a gasket, I am just taking him back to my master._"

"Envy! I am serious, open the door! I need the toilet!"

"_Who cares? And you shouldn't speak so impersonally, you and my master go way back._"

Edward hammered his head lightly against the door as he slid down to the ground. He just had to wait…

_**.**_

_**Now, what are all these ironic coincidences, or was this the way Envy tortures someone?**_

* * *

**A/N:**´Heh. You and my master go way back... Toilet xD -dark humor-

_**+Edited and looked through by the wonderful YukinoKara!****! Worship her, mortals!+**_


	4. Pain t

**Pain(t)**

_**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

Envy was lying on the couch in the living room. He was alone, because Edward had locked himself up in his bedroom. Envy sighed heavily. Okay, maybe it hadn't been so smart to strip the alchemist's shirt off and then paint, with big green and purple letters;

_**Envy's Chibi. **_

_**Property of Envy.**_

_**Do not touch except for Envy.**_

_**And that especially includes Russell Tringham**_

_**that perverted fu-**_

He didn't get to paint more, because there wasn't any more space and he couldn't continue on the back, because Edward had awoken due to the tickling.

But after Envy and Edward had seen Kronk's New Groove it had just seemed so right to do it. Envy had thought it was a genius way to make sure nobody would touch his Chibi.

But when Edward woke up, the first thing he did was look at him with big, wide eyes; and then shove the poor sin off. And after looking in the mirror, he had freaked out and made one of his short rants, and then started to yell that he did NOT belong to Envy, and when Envy said he would have used a tattoo-machine if they had one, Edward had scream-growled **(1)** in frustration and stormed up to his room, and stayed there.

And when Envy tried to open the door, a trapdoor was transmuted above his head and all the spiders in the house rained down on Envy. The poor sin ran screaming down the stairs, with the spiders following him, until he reached the closet with the portable vacuum cleaner.

But in fact, it wasn't so hard to understand poor Edward. He was roused by a tickle on his stomach, and when he opened his eyes, he saw that Envy straddling his hips, his shirt was off and Envy had an object in his hands. Edward didn't realize at the beginning that it was just a paint brush, but he still had the right to freak. Envy could have tried to murder him. Or, do we dare to say it out loud, molest him!

So he shoved Envy away, only find that he had something wet on his abs. And when he looked in the mirror, he saw the word _'Chibi'_ stand out in the colour purple. And when Edward had finished telling Envy calmly (yeah right) that he wasn't small, he noticed the rest of the text. Why on Earth would Envy think Russell would touch Edward?!

So, of course, Edward had gone up to his room to cool down, but only to be disturbed seconds after by said Homunculus, who tried to open the door.

How Edward was able to make the spiders hunt Envy was his own secret **(2)**. Edward couldn't help but smile a little when he had heard Envy squeak very loudly and then run down the stairs. Then he almost laughed when he heard lots of small steps, followed by heavier and longer ones and a high buzzing sound, and Envy roaring, "_**Who's hunting who now, you little black hairy mutants!**_" and "_**Die! Die! Die!!!**_"

Oh yes, Edward almost laughed. But then he noticed the paint had tainted his pillow, and he was back to getting pissed.

But let's go back to Envy, who was still lying on the couch, with the vacuum cleaner at his feet. What could he do? Edward was good at holding a grudge for a long time, especially when it was towards Envy.

Envy growled. This was all Russell's fault! If he wasn't checking Edward out every other time, Envy wouldn't have been so paranoid! (He still would have painted on Edward's stomach, but he wouldn't have added the part about Tringham).

But what could Envy do now? Without Edward, Envy was all alone…

**Knock knock.**

Envy inhaled a large amount of air through his nose and his eyes widened. Who was that? Nobody visited Edward and Envy. Most of them were out of town, and the rest just tried to avoid Envy.

Edward sneaked soundlessly to the door that lead out to the entrance, and peeked out to the front door. Who could it be? Did Edward order pizza? No, Edward didn't have a phone up in his room. Was it a murderer?! Was it, _gasp_, Russell?!

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

Envy jumped up in the air and almost ran to the bathroom. That voice. Unknown, but familiar. And we all know that unknown, but familiar voices always belong to people who are up to no good!

"Hello? Mr. Elric and Envy?"

Crap! He knew their names! He was coming to get them! Envy's face darkened. He was after Edward too. Envy would not allow that. No one could touch his Chibi. He wrote that a few hours ago!

Just as Envy was about to storm over and open the door to tell the intruder a thing or twenty, a square, white object was pressed through the letter slot.

Envy looked at it for a few seconds.

And then he panicked.

_*_

Edward was sitting in his bed and had just transmuted the paint off of his pillow and himself. Then he suddenly heard a shriek and lots of bumps.

Edward jumped out of his bed and ran out the door. So it had finally happened. Somebody was trying to kill Envy off. Edward ran down the stairs to save the sin. Not that he couldn't blame Envy's attackers, since he really was a plague, but if Envy died, then Edward – no – if Envy died, then the show couldn't continue. **(3)**

When Edward came down, he found all the tables in the entrance tilted and placed in a row.

"Envy?" Edward called out.

From the row of tilted tables, Envy's head shot up. "Edo! Quick, get over here! You're not safe there." Envy said in a whispered voice and waved him over.

Edward rolled his eyes. "What now?" He asked.

"Not so loud! You'll activate it!"

"Activate _what?_" Then Edward's eyes fell on the letter on the floor. He sighed. "Oh dear lord…" He mumbled as he went over and grabbed the letter, ignoring the panicked whispers from the green haired Homunculus.

Edward read it. And freaked.

"WHAT. THE. HELL?!"

"_Dear Edward and Envy._

_Because of our short break in the making of FullMetal Alchemist,_

_the (super-awesome-irresistible-and-too-good-looking-for-your-eyes)_

_producers have become slightly worried that you'll get out of practice._

_Therefore, we have signed you two to do a Role Play._

_You will meet in the woods at 09:30 am tomorrow._

_Have fun._

_The (super-awesome-irresistible-and-too-_

_good-looking-for-your-eyes)_

_Producers."_

* * *

**(1) **New word for manly screams.

**(2) **They had a pact!

**(3)** Keep telling yourself that Ed.

**A/N:** Mwhahahaaa! Role Play! Edward and Envy are going to run around and play 'Lord of the Rings'. *evil smirk* Edward going to be a hobbit xD

And I'm not making fun of the producers! ... Okay, a little, but it's just for fun! I love them! Besides, it's not as bad as my original idea of why they had to take a break on the episodes (the word crack is involved xD)

Anyway, hope you enjoyed.

_***+* A big thanks to YukinoKara, the (and my) wonderful beta**_**_!*+*_**


	5. Role Play, part 1

**Role Play, part 1.**

**-------------------------**

Edward was really tired. He was not used to getting up this early on a Sunday. He always woke up late on Sundays. It was the only day he could do so! But no-o, the producers just had to take that joy away from him! The worst part was that they had to drive for a long time; since their meeting place (some forest, somewhere) was far away. Meaning they had to get up extra early.

Envy was tired too. Actually, he was beyond tired…

"Are-we-there-yet?" Envy asked again for the sixtieth time since they drove away from the house, each time faster and faster. It was almost half an hour ago that they had driven away.

Edward sighed, frustrated. "No."

"How-would-you-know? You're-not-driving." Envy said, again really fast. His eyeballs had red veins and he almost jumped on the seat.

"Because I just know. Now shut up." Edward growled, not even bothering to move his gaze from the window. He wished he could do the same thing as their driver; roll down a wall between him and the overtired (and now extremely hyper) sin.

Edward glanced at Envy, who now was rocking rhythmically from side to side, while humming a really fast melody. Maybe some sort of techno version of 'Itsy Bitsy Spider'?

Edward sighed. "Envy, get some sleep, while we're driving." He said, since he was _not_ ready to have a hyper Envy, playing around in the woods with a sword. It was bad enough to have a normal Envy doing that.

Envy sent him a horrified look. "NO!" He panicked, almost yelled.

Edward frowned. "Envy, I can see you're tired." He said, looking at the bags under the Homunculus' eyes.

Envy shook his head violently. "No! I won't sleep!" He shouted yet again.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Okay, why not?"

"Because the driver could molest me in my sleep!"

Frustrated, Edward slapped his own forehead. "You can't be serious…"

"It has happened before! I'm not ready to be a victim for it." Envy said, with his violet (and red) eyes wide open.

Edward sighed. He could just as well immediately give up on trying to get Envy to understand that their driver wouldn't molest him in his sleep. He would have to try something else.

"Okay Envy, how about this; if the driver tries to molest you, I'll wake you up."

Envy looked at him with a puzzled look. "You will?"

Edward smiled. "Sure. I might even try to stop him." Envy's eyes got watery and Edward's eyes widened. Oh no, Envy usually never looked through his irony, and now it had hurt him.

Envy sniffed and then threw himself at the blonde and embraced him. "Thank you Edo!" He said with a big smile.

Edward smiled back, a little bit unsure. "You're welcome. Now, get some sleep." He said and pushed Envy back to his own side, before he got the idea to sleep on his lap (and he knew Envy was considering it. He could see it in his eyes!)

Envy actually looked a little dissatisfied about being pushed away, but let it go. He laid his head against the window and closed his eyes. Soon, he was off to dream land. Edward smiled and looked out of the window again, and started zoning out.

*

**Tap, tap**.

Edward slowly opened his eyes. What was that weird sound?

Actually, it wasn't that weird of a sound. It was just the driver who was knocking on the 'wall' behind him, with his knuckles. "Hey, you two. We're here."

Edward made a grumbling sound. He was still a little tired, but at least he had gotten some sleep. Edward noticed that his lap hurt.

'_Must have been from all the sitting…'_ His still-sleeping mind thought. Then he woke up a little more. _'Wait… Wouldn't it hurt in my end then?'_

Edward opened his eyes, and as you might have guessed; Envy had laid himself, almost fully, on the seats and placed his head on Edward's lap. Edward's eyes widened in shock; what did the driver think?! Then his eyes grew furious and he snorted like a mad bull.

'_Okay Edward, deep breaths. Remember what your therapist told you… Anger management... Count to ten…' _Edward took three deep breaths and then counted to ten. He felt a little calmer now. Even though it _was_ Envy, he had been asleep, so he couldn't have done it on purpose. Right?

Edward shook Envy lightly. "Envy. Wake up. We're here."

Envy whined a little and turned around to hide his face in Edward's stomach. "Five minutes…" The sin mumbled into the fabric.

Edward clenched his jaw and his face grew red. More desperate to get Envy away, he shook the green haired one again. "No Envy. Get up. _Now._"

Envy yawned and sat up. He rubbed some sleep out of eyes, gave another yawn, and then he removed his hands and looked as bright as ever. "Yay, we're here!" The sin cheered, making Edward sweat drop. Well, he should have been used to this by now. Envy suddenly gasped and looked suspiciously around in the car. "Where's the driver?" He whispered.

Edward rolled his eyes. "He is outside."

The reaction he got from Envy, was… weird. More or less.

Envy threw himself at the car door on his side and then he changed his speed and opened it slowly. He peeked out. And then he threw himself against the door again to open it, and rolled out of the car. Again he slowed his speed down, when he sneaked back to the car and slowly raised himself on his legs to look over the roof of the car. No driver.

"Uhm, Sir, are you alright?"

Envy jumped in the air and spun around. The driver had sneaked up on him from behind. He got him!

Envy pressed his back against the car and stared at the driver with big scared eyes and looked like a deer in the headlights. The driver frowned, feeling confused and awkward. "Sir?" He tried again.

Envy's eyes only grew bigger and more terrified. _'He got me. He got me!'_

Edward stepped out of the car and sent an excusing look to the driver. "Thank you for driving us."

"No problem. I'll pick you up at three o'clock." The driver sat and stepped into the car again.

Edward swallowed. Three o'clock. Six hours…

"Wait-!" He yelled, but he was too late. The driver had already stepped on the pedal and drove away.

Envy fell to the ground as the car he was gluing himself drove away.

Edward sighed heavily. Okay, maybe if they just stayed where they were, they could pretend to have gotten lost, and they wouldn't have to do this stupid role play.

Envy looked up. "Hey Edo, isn't that an orc over there?"

*

"I'm glad you two came in time. Now, let's give you two some roles, shall we?" A woman, who was playing a human (oh, surprise) said. She was the owner of the inn in the role play. Beside her stood a man, who was supposed to be her husband in the role play. Their 'names' were Lady Mary and Sir Christo Humbelback **(1)**.

Edward looked as he felt; he wanted to get away from here. But the man and lady didn't seem to notice, because Envy was excited enough for both of them.

"Uh! What am I going to be? Am I going to be an orc? What should Edo be?" Envy kept asking questions.

The man looked thoughtful. "Well, because of his height, he _would_ make a great hobbit…"

Snap.

"WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-RUNT-SO-SMALL-THAT-HE-COULD-BE-A-HOBBIT?!!" The great alchemist freaked.

The woman and man looked shocked, but Envy – who was used to the yelling – just covered his ears. "Ow, Chibi, don't be so loud!"

Another screaming rant.

"You know, you wouldn't be a good hobbit, Edo. Hobbits are peaceful creatures, and you aren't." Envy said when Edward had stopped yelling.

Edward snorted. "And how would you know about that?" He asked skeptical. "I happen to have seen all the Lord of the Rings movies!"

Envy looked up thoughtfully at the ceiling. "I think you would be better as a dwarf…"

And then… Well, you get the picture.

*

A few minutes after, Sir Christo had somehow managed to call for assistance, so they could move on and start the Role Play. The assistant was a 'dwarf'. In real life, the 'dwarf' was an almost nine foot tall man, with a latex axe. Edward and Envy's face grew long and their eyes widened. But they got quiet and Lady Mary and Sir Christo gave them their roles.

Edward was portraying a wizard named Marik, and Envy… Well…

"Human? A human?! Do you believe this?!" Envy asked Edward, disturbed. Edward shrugged and took a sip of his water. They were sitting in the inn, since they really didn't have anywhere else to go.

"I mean, seriously" Envy continued "What is up with that? Some kind of ironic joke?"

Edward grinned. "Maybe. You saw the 'dwarf', right?"

Envy snorted. "But still. And I don't want to be named Sir Homci." He muttered in a grumbling manner. A short silence. "Hey Edo, when is something going to happen. I want action! I wanna swing a sword and kill orcs!" Envy said, with a new passion in his eyes.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I don't know and I don't care. I just want this to get over with. Damn those producers…"

A boy, who was sitting at the table behind Envy and Edward, turned around. "You were forced to this too by your producers?" He asked.

"Yeah" Edward said, and turned to the boy. Finally! Someone who understood his pain!

The boy had black hair, green eyes and wore glasses. He was really nice and was in the same situation as Ed, so they had soon started a good conversation. They had introduced themselves to each other. The boy's name was Harry Potter.

Envy didn't like it. He didn't like that boy. He was trouble. He took Edward's attention away from Envy, and Envy didn't want that!

Envy tried to make Edward forget this Potter-guy, and turn back to Envy. He tried making great movements, making some humming noises and touching Edward briefly. Nothing. No reaction at all. Stupid Potter.

"So what do you do in your free time?"

"Oh, I'm studying in a wizard school. Or actually, we're making several movies about me in the school and fighting against evil." Harry told them. "It's all happened before."

"A-ah, so your producers use that time-machine-thingy too?" Edward asked. It was a new thing. If the producers found a story they liked, they asked the people who had gone through all the troubles and wonders if they would make a series or movie **(2)**.

Edward, Alphonse and the rest of the crew had said yes; because some of them wanted the money, and the rest thought they needed the damn respect for all their troubles!

"Yes, they are. You too?" Harry asked.

Edward nodded.

"So, what is your movie about?" Harry asked.

Edward scratched himself on the back of his head. "Well, it's a little hard to explain, but basically it's about me and my brother, trying to find the Philosophers' Stone." He told Harry.

"Oh, but that don't exist." Harry said.

Edward frowned. "Yes it does. Sort of. You have to create it. It's very hard to find a stone, but even harder to make one." Edward said and bit down on his bottom lip, remembering how close he was to almost sacrificing lots of human lives.

"No, it doesn't exist anymore. It's destroyed. After I got it, Nicholas Flamel made sure that it got destroyed." Harry told him.

Edward stared at him. He… What? "So… So you're telling me, that you had the stone… And you just let it get destroyed?" Edward asked. He would have yelled, if he hadn't been so much in shock.

"Yes."

"But… But how could you?! I mean, after all the years of searching?!" Edward asked in a little more desperate tone.

"Well, actually, it only took me a year to find it."

"WHA-EEEH!!!"

Yes, a strange way to shout 'what'. But not so strange, when I tell you, that it was because of Envy. The sin had decided to lean forward and lick Edward behind the ear to get his attention. And it sure worked.

"Envy! What the hell?!" Edward yelled.

Envy grinned. Yup, that was his Chibi. His, and his only. He glanced at the Potter-boy. He seemed a little frightened and Envy couldn't help but smirk, satisfied. Even if it had gone too far, it would never work; Envy's Chibi was too wild for the boy.

"What are you smirking about?!" Edward yelled, still pissed. Envy smiled sweetly at his alchemist.

"I just thought about other places I could lick."

Edward stared at the sin. The blonde's face started to grow an interesting shade of red. Then he inhaled lots of air for yelling.

But before he could start yelling, a man stepped into the inn and talked loudly in a announcing tone:  
"Sir Homci and wizard Marik! Follow me! The city needs your help!"

Silence.

Then Envy jumped up. "Edo! That's us!"

Edward smacked his forehead on the table. He should have glued Envy's mouth. But no-o, because in a world full of orcs, elves and wizards, there are no such thing as glue!

* * *

**(1)** Yeah, I don't know either. It's just names okay?! It's better then my first options; Lady 1 and Sir 2. And Christo is a name now.

**(2)** My story, my logic. Back off.

**A/N: **Oh oh. What's going to happen, when Ed and Envy are going on their very first Role Play mission together? xD  
This was a little hard to write, since I don't think it's as funny as the other chapters. But I thought a meeting between Edward and Harry would just be awesome! xD Hope you enjoyed it.  
Remember: Reviews inspire me to write more!!

_***+* A big thanks to YukinoKara, the (and my) wonderful beta**_**_!*+*_**


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